Mendel Bluming | Blogger

Someone said to me, "You know Mendel Bluming, you don't need to smile anymore! No one can tell behind that mask if you are smiling or not!" He brought a smile to my face :) In truth of course you can tell if another is smiling, from their eyes! You see, there is that superficial smile that we are all too familiar with and then there is a smile that is an expression of deep clarity and contentment. A genuine feeling of happiness from knowing that you stand for something more permanent than the shifting sands and viruses of our time. We will persevere despite all the vicissitudes we see around us. That smile may be hidden behind a mask but it is very much present! Smile! :) Mendel (Menachem) Bluming

The two most important things to know about visiting a mourner are: when to come and when to leave. Jewish tradition gives us very clear instructions on both. It is customary for mourners to leave the door of their home open during the week of mourning. Visitors just walk in unannounced. What would be considered rude in other circumstances is quite acceptable in this case. And there is good reason. Many of us have a natural aversion to visiting someone in pain. We don’t know what to say, and we aren’t sure if they really want us there. But at the core of it, we are just  scared . Scared to face intense emotion, uncomfortable at the thought of seeing someone grieve. This fear needs to be overcome. So the door is left unlocked. It is up to the friends and family of the mourner to take the initiative and just show up. Don’t wait for an invitation to visit someone in pain. Don’t ask if they want you to be there. Just go. Once you're inside, take your cues from the mou

Dear Rabbi Menachem Bluming: I have a dark secret... I have an anger problem. And I never knew it until I became a parent. Because the only people I take my anger out on are my own kids. I never had a temper before, but sometimes when my children misbehave and I am at my limit I just explode and lose control. I don't like myself at those moments and know it is wrong. And yet I haven't been able to control it. Any pointers on how to not lose it with my kids? Dear friend: Your dark secret is the dark secret of every parent. We all have our weak moments, when a combination of lack of sleep, pressures of life and our imperfect hearts conspire to make us lose it. And who are the poor victims of our fury? Those we love the most, our children. If it is happening frequently or if you are really harming your kids, you need urgent professional help. But if you are overall loving and good to your kids, just now and then you snap, then you are human. That doesn't excuse your beh