Mendel Bluming | Blogger

Have you ever tried snapping out of a bad habit only to find yourself falling right back into it? I don’t think you should quit your bad habit entirely. That seems too much, and apparently hasn’t worked for you in the past.  I suggest you quit just for one day.  This would be manageable. I’m sure you can control yourself for a single day. Especially when you know that it isn’t forever. You can go back to your vice tomorrow. But today, just today, you are over it. Then do the same thing again tomorrow.  And the next day.  This is an old hack to fool the Yetzer Harah - the evil urge inside us that pushes us to do the wrong thing. When you say that you are quitting forever, your evil urge fights back ferociously. But if you reassure it that you’ll be back to your devious ways tomorrow, and you’re just taking a day off, it doesn't feel threatened and leaves you be.  After one vice-free day, you have reclaimed a tiny bit of control over your urges. Now yo...

This is one of the biggest secrets of life. Good doesn't always taste good. But not-good often looks and tastes good.  It has to be this way. Imagine it was the other way around. If good always felt good, and bad just felt bad, who would do bad? Our challenge is to make the right choices in life. But for that we need a choice.    There are two paths to choose from: the path of good and the path of no good. One path leads to true happiness, the other is a dead-end leading nowhere. And it isn’t so easy to tell which is which.     G-d wanted to make it fair, so He let bad look good. The bad path has nothing to offer, so G-d gave it good PR. The wrong path is so much more tempting. Unhealthy food is the yummiest. And doing the wrong thing seems so much fun.   But that’s just looks. The good path is where real enjoyment lies. The choice is between superficial good or real good. As our sages wisely said: “Don’t look at the packaging, look at what's ...

There is a story told by the great chassidic teachers, and it goes like this.    There was once a simple villager who won the lottery. In the olden days, this meant literally winning a pot of gold. So with excitement and anticipation, he set out on foot for a three day journey to the big city to collect his winnings.     When he came to the lottery office and saw his prize, he realized he could not possibly carry such a heavy pot of gold home. So with some of his new wealth he hired a wagon driver with a strong horse to carry him and his pot back to the village. The journey took several hours. Along the way they stopped off at the side of the road for a little rest. The wagon driver parked the wagon in what seemed to be a safe spot and the villager had a little nap under a tree.   Refreshed and ready to go, they jumped back onto the wagon to continue the journey. But after a short while the wagon driver stopped and said, "I think your pot of gold...

The choice of words the Torah employs to describe the role of the spouse — "a helper against him" — seems contradictory. If a wife is supposed to serve as a helper to her husband, she is obviously not poised "against him?" Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi explains that the woman becomes a "helper" for her husband by sometimes being against him. For a husband to become the maximum he can be, he must profess the courage to welcome the ideas and feelings of his spouse which may be "against" his own. Some men cannot tolerate their wives disagreeing with them, and conversely, some women cannot handle another opinion. They grow angry and frustrated, exploding or imploding. What often transpires, as a result, is that the woman, or the man, in order to maintain a peaceful atmosphere in the home, remain silent. Or, to avoid confrontation, they just drift away from each other emotionally. Conversely, the arguments and fighting never cease. The Torah is ...

Do you know the song that is sung over and over again over Rosh Hashanah: "Zachreinu Lichaim Melech Chafetz Bachayim..." Remember us G-d for life, we pray over the High Holidays.   The basic meaning of it is a prayer to G-d for life in this coming year, undoubtedly a critical prayer, especially during a lingering pandemic. There is a deeper meaning too. Zachreinu can mean remember us and REMIND us. Zachreinu Lichaimn can thus mean "G-d please remind us to live this year!" Please G-d don't allow this to just be a year during which I wait for Covid to end and the S&P to improve. A year during which on Monday I look forward to Friday... Protest the time that is robbed from you, that slips through your fingers. Time is so precious... Our lives are so fleeting.... If you are reading this note you are the oldest that you have ever been in your life... and the youngest that you will ever be! In every stage of life we look forward to the next stage becau...

Old age is not so easy to define. For a professional football player, forty is already over the hill. On the other hand, there are budding authors in their eighties publishing their first book. So who is old?   We do need a clear answer. There is a mitzvah to “rise before the aged, and give deference to the old.” (Vayikra 19:32) This means more than just offering old people a seat on the bus. It means listening to what they have to say and taking their words seriously.  The mere fact that a person has been around for a while gives a level of credibility and weight to their opinion. Of course there are some very foolish octogenarians, and there are some very wise millennials. But nothing beats life experience. Elders deserve respect just because they have seen a lot. But how old is an elder?  The most authoritative opinion in Jewish law (Shulchan Aruch Yoreh Deah 244:1) states that you are an elder and must be accorded honor from the age of 70. But a most delight...

As a parent, you need to make many decisions that will impact your child's future. Deciding whether to make a Bris is one of them. Here are the things you need to know before deciding what to do:    - A surgical circumcision is not a Bris. Apart from the missing blessings and prayers, the actual cut may be different. Which means one day when your son realizes that he didn't have a Bris, he may require a rather unpleasant procedure to get it fixed. A Bris is no big deal when you are a baby, but not quite as easy when you're older. - A Mohel is not an amateur. Quite the opposite. An experienced mohel does them almost daily, and has performed hundreds, or possibly thousands, over the years. The mohel who did my sons’ brisses claims to have done over 50,000. - Many Mohels are also medically qualified. Some are themselves surgeons, who will perform a Bris in their surgery rooms if you prefer.  - The risks involved with a bris or medical circumcision procedure are minim...

Question from a groom:    I understand the reason we break a glass at a wedding ceremony is to commemorate the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem some 2000 years ago. This indeed was a significant event in Jewish history, but it doesn't seem to have any personal relevance to me. What does a destroyed building have to do with my wedding? Here’s a Wedding/ Tisha B’Av thought: The destruction of the Temple has extreme personal relevance. It happened to you. The shattering of the glass commemorates not only the fall of Jerusalem, but also a cataclysmic shattering that happened to your very own temple, your soul. Before you were born, you and your soulmate were one - a single soul. Then, as your time to enter this world approached, G-d shattered that single soul into two parts, one male and one female. These two half souls were then born into the world to try and find each other and reunite. At the time, the split seemed tragic. Half of your soul went missing. What wa...

I have heard many people say that if G-d would only do a miracle they would believe. After all in the Torah we read of many miracles that G-d did on a regular basis. Why don't we see these miracles these days? The Lubavitcher Rebbe once addressed a similar question from a skeptic. If you look at his response with an open mind, it could change your perspective. In a letter from 1956, the Rebbe wrote the following. This  to someone who said that if G-d would show me a miracle I would then believe: “Take a good look at your own past, and you will recognize that you have already witnessed miracles and wonders. Do you really want to test G-d? Do you really want to be brought again into a place of mortal danger and have to be saved? You know very well the trauma that is experienced by being in danger, because you have been there. It is just the evil inclination’s voice inside you trying to come up with an excuse to avoid observing G-d's commandments.” May we all notice the mi...

The days pass rather quickly and when you look back a week and then a month has flown by in the blink of an eye. In fact as you get older time seems to pass by more quickly. One theory offered for why it seems so is because a smaller percentage of your life goes by each day and therefore when taken in contrast the passage of time seems shorter and shorter.   If we did not go to sleep there would be no complete unit of time, life would just continue on and on. So here's an exercise. Every evening, don't just go to sleep, actually complete your day. Make sure that what you planned to accomplish that day was accomplished and make a plan for the next day. Assess honestly your performance in your mission of life. Rethink your relationships with G-d and people and recalibrate your priorities. Clear from your heart anger and reprisal. When possible forgive and cleanse your heart. Anger and revenge are ultimately drinking poison and allowing destructive forces rent free space in yo...

Are there parts of your life that make absolutely no sense? Do you see certain chapters of your story as essential because they express who you are and others as just a distraction? On Purim this story only begins a few chapters into the Megillah and yet the Mishna asks (Megillah 2:3): To fulfill one’s obligation to hear the Megillah, from which point in the story must one begin to read? Rabbi Yehudah said, from the part of the story where Mordechai is introduced. Rabbi Yossi said, from the point where Haman is elevated to viceroy. Rabbi Shimon says one must hear from the point in the story where the king cannot sleep. Finally, the Mishna records the opinion of Rabbi Meir, who says, “One is obligated to hear the entire Megillah.” In Rabbi Meir’s view, there are no shortcuts; one must hear the entire story from the very beginning, including the sordid details of Achashveirosh’s wild parties and beauty pageants. And the Talmud proclaims (Megillah 19a), “The Halacha follows Rabbi Meir.”...

We are taught to be the masters of acceptance. All that G-d does is for the best, Judaism teaches us repeatedly.   Yet we do not become comfortable with death, internally we do not accept it. When Jacob was faced with the tragic death of his precious son Joseph, the Torah tells us, “Vayimaen lihisnachem” (Breishis 37), he refused to be comforted. Some understand that to mean that he had an inkling that his son was really alive, and he was indeed right. Others say that this is a general rule for the Jewish approach to refuse to be comforted or to accept the “reality” of death, because our loved ones are never really dead. Yes, the body is buried and that is very tragic and painful. Yet if we used 3 words to describe our departed loved one it would rarely describe their body. Kindness, thoughtfulness or happiness are not properties of the body they are expressions of the soul. The soul doesn't die when the body is buried and we instinctively know that and therefore refuse to ac...

It is so hard to see a loved one fade after living a vibrant and active life. How we approach this painful stage will depend on our perspective. And the Jewish perspective on the end of life differs greatly to much of mainstream thinking today. To approach life and death the Jewish way, we need to make sure we have that perspective very clear.   It often happens that immoral ideas creep into the minds of even those who have otherwise good values. Usually, the way these concepts infiltrate is via catch phrases and clichés. First they enter our vocabulary, then they become a part of our mentality. One example is "dying with dignity." This is a phrase that deserves to die. True dignity comes from the soul. The good deeds we do in our lifetime, the meaning we bring to our days, the beauty and joy we bring to those around us all come from the soul. Your value comes from G-dliness expressed uniquely through your soul. Our body is the vehicle for our soul. It is through ...

The Mishna (Brachot 54a) teaches: Just as we bless G-d for good things, so should we bless Him for bad things. This seems to say that we should make no differentiation between good news and bad. Whether we just won the lottery or a major catastrophe just befell us, we should bless G-d in exactly the same way. But the Gemara elaborates: When we hear good news we say, "Blessed are You G-d, King of the Universe, Who is good and does good." When we hear bad news we say, "Blessed are You G-d, King of the Universe, Who is the Judge of truth." Those two blessings are clearly different. When we win the lottery, we praise G-d for His goodness. Not only is He good, but He does good that we can experience as good. However, when tragedy strikes, we humbly acknowledge that G-d is the one who decides our fate. So, the Gemara asks, what does the Mishna mean by "just as", implying some parity between good and bad tidings? Answers the Gemara: We should ac...

Every other creation was created ready to go. When G-d created camels and hippopotamuses and horses He created them, body and soul, united ready to do what they need to. Only human beings were created as a lifeless body and then as the Torah shares in Genesis 2:7: “G-d formed the human from the dust of the ground, and He breathed into its nostrils the soul of life.” He breathed a soul of life into that lifeless body to remind us that our soul is not (just) about animating our bodies, your soul is independent from your body. It existed before it was joined with your body and it will continue its journey beyond your body’s passing. Don’t get too caught up with the indulgences and fears and narrow vision of your body. Your body’s life is so fleeting while your soul’s relationships and vision and G-dly awareness are eternal. Mendel (Menachem) Bluming, Maryland

Remember when your little brother was born? After being in your mother's tummy for such a long time, he finally came out to be with you and the family. How exciting. You'd been waiting for so long to meet him and play with him, and then he finally arrived.   Your baby brother was very comfortable inside mummy's tummy, where it's warm and he had everything he needed. But he couldn't stay there forever.  When it was time, he came out to be with you. In a strange way, death is similar to birth. We leave the world we know and enter the great unknown world outside.  All the people who have passed away are in that peaceful and happy place. Just as you were waiting for your brother to come and be with you, the souls of past generations were waiting for your grandfather to join them. Now they are all together. We miss them. But there's nothing to be scared of. Remember you used to talk to your baby brother, even before he was born? He heard you, though he couldn...

There are two types of workers: employees and contractors. A contractor is there to do their job, and that's it. As long as I have completed the tasks given to me, as long as the items on my to-do list are accounted for, I’ve done my bit and I can go home.   But an employee has to work until the day is over. It is not enough that my immediate tasks are complete, I have to seek out more work and ensure every moment of the day is productive. Otherwise I am short-changing my employer. We live in G ‑ d's giant factory, and we are all workers, each with a specific role to play. We each contribute our part to the grand scheme of creating a better world. And we have a choice. We can either suffice with fulfilling our obligation alone, and no more, or we can go beyond that. As long as the job is not yet done, as long as the world is not yet full of goodness, we still have work to do. If you choose to work like a contractor, only looking to fulfill your mission, once your job is d...

The Medrash tells the story of a king who allowed one of his subjects whom he wanted to award, an hour in his treasuries. He was allowed to take whatever he would like. The king also served hors d’oeuvres and expensive drinks were poured and he had beautiful music playing and rare artwork was displayed. The man had plenty of time and so he spent time on the desserts and the drinks and listening to the music and looking at the art until he realized that his time was almost up! He ran to grab a treasure but alas it was almost too late and what he was able to take was minuscule..   We each have limited time on this precious earth with so much to accomplish. Your mission, your Mitzvahs are like treasures, precious beyond measure. G-d also provides ample distractions to challenge you and make your choices meaningful. Your safety is very important still Omicron is not the major story of the week, your mission in life is. COVID is not the big story of the last two years. Don’t allow y...

The Torah observant community should be the easiest customer for climate activism and environmental concern. Our tradition is clear about the responsibility we have to care for our world. Every child attending a religious Jewish school knows that the Torah forbids us to waste any useful resources. The kabbalists taught that every leaf on every tree has a soul, and must be treated with respect. And our sages record G-d's words to the first man, Adam: "Look at the beautiful world I have created. I have created it all for you. Take care not to corrupt and spoil My world, for if you do, no one will come after you to fix it." However, Jews are not big fans of apocalyptic prophecies and doomsday predictions. Other religious groups may be getting ready for Armageddon, but we have always believed in a happy, bright and peaceful future. After all there is a Captain to this ship! The claim that "we have five years to act or it will be too late" was said five years...

Each Fall we get this surreal opportunity of reliving an hour that has already passed. It makes me think about the year that has gone by.   If we were given the chance to live over an hour, a week or a year that we had already lived, would we make different choices? We think that we would but would we actually act differently? The Talmud in tractate Yomah page 86B teaches that when one does true repentance and return to G-d out of love their past misdeeds actually become merits. The explanation for it is that this strong feeling of connection came because of the distance and therefore the distance became a merit. Sort of like when a couple are not getting along and they realize how much it hurts to be apart and that distance draws them so much closer together. Ultimately what the Talmud is saying is that you can retroactively change your past. You can relive that past hour or that past week even if it is not Groundhog Day! Menachem Mendel Bluming, Maryland